I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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