I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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