Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
