She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she peed on how many people?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
