Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
