I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
