Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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