so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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