Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
