I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
