Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
