Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
