The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
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There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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