I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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