Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
there's paper in my vomit.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
