Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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