Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
