He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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