One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
