I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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