He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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