Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
