okay pat passed out under dana's car
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
