eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
