Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
