I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you had me at cake vodka
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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