I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
