Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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