I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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