I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
