I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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