How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
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About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
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For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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