We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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