Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
