I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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