she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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