i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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