Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
