I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
