So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
