So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize