final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
