I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
