what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
