Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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