you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
