we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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