is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
