cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
