it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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