Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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