We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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