I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
