do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
