dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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