so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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