i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
