Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
