Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
